02 October 2008

I have a solution to the bailout mess!

Alright, I'm going to confess myself right up front as an effete, elitist, and whatever the other pejorative du jour for liberals happens to be right now. I had a pedicure on Tuesday, after visiting my dentist for a new bridge on Monday, and on my lunch hour today, I got a facial. Hardly conservative activities, unless you're a Senator or Congressional Representative well out of sight of the folks back home, then you might even be going in for a belly, back and chest waxing.

Hell, I'm betting that those folks leave the piney woods of their districts and acquire the taste for silken pajamas and sipping pink daiquiris no matter the level of their conservative outrage at liberal doings when they're back home.

Now, bear with me here, because all this has something to do with something. And that something, is conservative phony outrage.

Here's some recent examples of what I'm taking about. Their latest uproar is that Gwen Iffil, an accomplished, distinguished and award winning journalist who has written an unreleased book whose theme seems to be about how African-American political expectations have changed and come to fruition leading to Barack Obama standing for the presidency. This, has been common knowledge for some time, and certainly should be no surprise for anyone--but, the Republicans are claiming they've been blindsided and Palin will not get a fair shake from Iffil as the debate moderator. Seems, I predicted this several days ago.

Here's another example of their phony outrage, if there are "too many" foreign policy questions in tonight's debate, it will be proof of the media's and Iffil's bias against Palin. Or if she is pressed for specifics, then the "blood thirsty" media is being sexist.

Meanwhile, they, along with a coven of gutless Democrats, are cranking the carcass of our mostly-dead economy through a meat-grinder, rendering up a pork-laden, bailout sausage that promises to do little more than allow some failed banks to operate a little longer and special interests to get their piece of the action.

If one were a conservative, one ought to be frothing at the mouth, and if one were a liberal, one's hair should be on fire over this deal. It is a stark monument to politicians corrupted by lobbyists and owned lock, stock, and pink silk pajamas by their corporate contributors. They natter about "Main Street", and I ask when was the last time you saw any of yours strolling down "Main Street", unless they were trolling for votes or money? Main Street? Don't kid me, like they could find it, without a GPS system?

OK, I'll grant you it's not enough just to gripe, one ought to offer up a solution. OK, here's mine:

First, we need affordable housing that that does not create the need for extreme, unaffordable mortgages and high-risk credit.

Two, we need jobs creation with wages that enable working people, single-moms, seniors, and low-income families to earn enough to buy decent affordable homes without strapping on outrageous mortgages.

Three, here's the how. We loan to those institutions and entities needing the bailout the money they need to get their business straight. But, we take a mortgage on all their assets, not just the bad debt. Every damned thing they've got, including club memberships, corporate jets, cars, villas, vacation homes, real-estate, buildings, bonuses, stock holdings, and the silverware in the executive dining rooms. This will include all but one home and one car of the executives down to vice-president. Every asset of the company, and it's top executive, will be collateral for the loans. Everything! They default, and it is all ours, and we sell it to the highest domestic bidder.

We make the loan to them at cost plus 10% interest. This means, if we have to borrow to make the loan, they pay us the principal, plus the interest we had to pay to get them the damned loan, plus any administrative and legal costs associated with the loan, and 10% on top of that. We will set them up on quarterly payments; a day late, and they're in default, and it is all ours and on the auction block.

During the loan period no executive can earn more than $300,000 a year, and will have to buy their own car and home, and receive no bonuses or "Golden Parachute" exit packages.

We will need the GAO to supervise and audit their operations until their loans are paid, so we will have to add staff in order to accomplish this. No problem, we'll add a surcharge to their quarterly loan payments to offset our added costs.

Our earnings from the interest, and default auctions will be put in a lock-box Superfund to protect Social Security, improve Medicare, create jobs in rebuilding infrastructure and building fair-priced (cost plus-rather than market driven) affordable homes.

Now, since I've solved this financial mess, excuse me while I go get my eyebrows darkened. I just hope I don't run across any Republican politician while I'm there--I might yank his pink daiquiri out of his manicured hands and douse my hair--because right now it is on fire!

And, I'll tell you what That's real outrage about a really outrageous thing.

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