24 August 2008

McCain Homes Tour

So, after seeing this, me and the missus got in our 1976 hoop mobile and went on a McCain homes tour. And, pulling up in the circular drive of the first estate, it went like this…

"Sure, we’ll sign in, but, sorry ma'am, we're not buying. We’re just trying to get an idea of what we'd like to have when our ship comes in.

When's that?

Oh, I'd say sometime between now and never!
Our ship sank in the Bermuda Triangle. You see, we've fallen into the Medicare coverage gap, and used the prescription money to buy some gas to get out of the apartment today so we could see first hand how the top 2% live.

We’d like to take a peek at the closet where he keeps those $500 shoes. Oh, I see. Makes sense, always wants to wear them on the campaign trail to remind him of his roots.

Oh yeah, it's really nice, but I don't think I could afford to cool it in these Arizona summers, what with energy deregulation and bills doubling and tripling--right now we only use the AC on days that the temperatures is above 115--rest of the time we just strip down and hose each other off out on the balcony.
Anyway, it’s a dry heat you know.

Huh? Yeah sure, we got sore heads that complain, but I tell them that when they turn down their rap music we'll put on some clothes.

You’d like me to move my car? Oh, ok, I forgot about that little oil leak, I'm sure you can replace that adobe brick stuff.

Oh not adobe? Imported from where? Dang, don't that beat all.

Got little crosses scratched in each one...how about that.
I heard that story about how his guard did that cross in the dirt thing. But, the thing of that is this: The first time I heard that story was a summer bible school down in Southern Illinois in 1948. But the way I heard it was that there was this guard about to lead a Christian Martyr out for date with a lion and he scratched an outline of a fish in the dirt with his spear. That’s how come you got these folks driving around with an icthius on the back of their cars down to this very day.

Sure, I got one too, ‘cept mine’s got these little feet on it.

Well, you don’t need to get all huffy. We’re getting ready to leave, anyway.

But, before we go, I do have a question. Have either of “I’m an only child” Cindy’s sisters been on the tour?

Right, right, we’re leaving right now.

Look, we'll need you to give us a push to get started. Battery's bad, but we're going to take the missus's money for her water pills this month and buy a rebuilt battery, and then get some white bread and bologna for Sunday dinner. C'mon over, you'd be welcome; we usually spring for something special like grape Kool-Aid on Sunday.

Nice place though, I'll think I'll tell our rap-playing neighbors to swing by and take a look. The missus and me could use an uninterrupted cool down. Dang old dry heat will catch up with you, if you don’t hydrate!"

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