29 August 2008

Palin? This can't be for real!

This just can’t be happening. Not really. It has to be one of those weird dream deals where you wake up in the morning and wish you’d written it down while you were dreaming. Except there’s no notebook on the nightstand, and you didn’t really dream it, you just dreamed that you dreamed it. You know. It happens to all of us at least once, and it’s ten times worse than Deja Vu.

You know what I mean. It’s like one of those dreams you have if you eat about ten strawberry blintzes and wash them down with Southern Comfort. Not a nightmare, but not making one damned bit of sense either.

Yep, you guessed it. Sarah Palin, McCain’s choice for the “one-heartbeat-away” from the leadership of the free world position. Sara Palin, you’ve heard of her, right? Right? Aw, c’mon, you have heard of her, haven’t you?

No? Here’s why. She’s a towering monument to mediocrity and nothingness.

She’s a former beauty queen and mayor of 5400 total population, Dogsquat, Alaska, and now Governor of Alaska, total population 670,000. Listen here, folks. There are twenty cities, including Charlotte, even when the cars ain’t racing each other, in this nation of ours with more population than the entire state of Alaska.

But, to be fair, she has a claim to fame, other than once having been Miss Congeniality. She ran against other Republicans on ethics issues. Talk about picking low hanging fruit. Republicans, ethics, Alaska, Ted Stevens, Bridge to Nowhere: No-brainer there. Oh yeah. She did once sell an airplane on eBay. Big whoop.

You just have to ask yourself, what in the name of living hell are they thinking. Like this gal will appeal to disillusioned Clinton voters. Oh sure she will. They will really go for her anti-abortion, anti-equal rights, anti-equal pay stances and rhetoric. Those are just the things that bind together those disgruntled Hillary supporters.

But, let’s take ourselves back to this ethics thing. It seems that Madam Governor has her own problems brewing. She helped her sister out during a very messy divorce and custody war by asking the state commissioner of public safety to fire her sister’s state trooper ex-husband. He refused, so she fired him! It was so ugly, that the Republican legislature has retained an independent legal expert to investigate an “abuse of power” in the case.

Pinch me, now damn it. I gotta be dreaming. And, it can’t be what I ate, you can’t find a decent blintz in Texas—jalapeño poppers yeah, but no blintzes. And, I lay off the liquor a good twenty-five years ago.

Is this the best they can come up with to burnish McCain’s conservative credentials? I guess it is. It seems representative of their characteristics. But, tell me, what are they thinking? No wait, I don’t want to know that, but, do this, try to imagine what the Vice Presidential debates are going to be like: Biden, “I have more than thirty years of foreign policy and domestic experience. Palin, “Well before we ran him out of the family, I, and my brother-in-law, once shooed a Polar Bear out of Skagway.”

Sweet dreams.

1 comment:

Kevin Rennie said...

Perhaps she's related to Michael. I'd like to see an Alaskan fish dance a al Monty Python.